Annalucia
Born to Heaven 27/05/09
September
Hey everybody, I’m here. Mommy & Daddy don’t even know yet. They’ve been trying to make me & now here I am and they don’t even know it. What can I say? I guess I’m still too small for them to notice me. Mommy is very nice and she keeps me warm. Sometimes I can hear her talking with Daddy. They seem to be very much in love with one another. I’m such lucky baby.
October
At last I get noticed. About time too! Mommy told Daddy that she thinks I’m here. What does she mean ‘think’? Daddy goes off to a special type of shop & comes back with a test kit to really check if I’m here. To be honest I’m a bit embarrassed for them. They could just ask me if I’m here & I would tell them. Then to really add to the shenanigans, they go off & buy these books and start reading them so they see if I’m OK. I mean seriously! Why don’t they just ask me? Mommy & Daddy can be really silly sometimes.
November
I love Mommy. Now that she finally noticed that I’m around she talks to me all the time. She sings to me as well. Before we go to sleep she always reads me a nice story & then sings a lullaby. Daddy is very good too. He always gives me a kiss before he goes to sleep. The jury is still out on them though. I mean Mommy doesn’t even know if I’m a boy or a girl. Come on now. Give me a break. Daddy is even worse. He is certain that I am a boy. Ha, ha…..what a fool. He’s in for some shock.
Mommy is sick almost every day. She vomits a lot. Poor Mommy! I should be looking after her more. I will always look after my Mommy because she will always look after me. I love Mommy & Daddy…….even though I have to raise my eyebrows to them sometimes.
December
At last it’s official. Mommy & Daddy finally tell the others about me. Everybody seems really happy that I’m here. Mommy’s Daddy seems to be especially happy. He’s says that he has been waiting a long time for me. What’s up with him? I was busy. I had to be conceived and once I had that out of the way I was up the walls growing & stuff. Now I have all these people in my life. Aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins! How am I going to look after them all? I mean my hands are going to be full with Mommy & Daddy. Daddy is saying that he is going to buy a house. God help him! He still thinks that I’m a boy. Maybe he will let me help him. I don’t know. He seems to be a bit stubborn. Mommy is starting to feel a bit better. Maybe I should spend some more time looking after Daddy now. Talk some sense into him!
January
Mommy & Daddy are really busy. They are going around to lots of shops & buying loads of stuff for me. Wow…..it’s really cool. I can’t wait to try on all my new clothes, take my buggy for a ride, chill out in my baby chair & play with all my toys. Well they finally found out that I was a girl. Must have been quite a shock for old Daddy. Bet that wiped the smile off of his face.
February
Hey….guess what. I was in an airplane & went to a different country. It was just rocking. To be honest I was getting a bit sick of this place and the break me did the world of good. It was the first time that I got to meet Daddy’s family as well. They all seem really nice. Some of his brothers & sisters have babies just like me. Wow…..that is going to be something else. We will all be able to play together. I hope Daddy bucks up & doesn’t embarrass me any more. I mean I have friends now & a reputation to uphold. I haven’t been feeling that well though. It’s as if my heart skips a beat every now & then. I’m sure everything is fine though. Mommy & Daddy go regularly to this special type of house to make sure that I’m OK. It’s probably just something I picked up on the airplane.
March
At last Daddy buys a house. I wouldn’t say it to him in case he got a big head but I really like it. It’s got a garden & a veranda & I’m going to have my very own room. Everyone is welcome in my room but they can only come in if I say so. Daddy was really happy one day because Ireland won the Six Nations. He said that he had been waiting all his life for it to happen. Sometimes I wonder about him. I mean, here I am & it’s happened already. Why on earth would you wait all your life for it? Mommy was happy too. She was happy because Daddy was happy but she’s really happy because I’m here. I know because she tells me all the time. The people in the special house told Mommy & Daddy that there was something wrong with me. Those people really take the biscuit. I mean how could there be anything possibly wrong with me of all people. Mommy & Daddy are very upset though. They cry all the time. Mommy is scared but what’s really bad is that Daddy is scared. I mean, I know I mightn’t paint him in the best light sometimes but if he’s scared then I’m going to be scared too. Mommy & Daddy didn’t even speak to me today. It’s as if all this crying & fear has banished their love. I feel sad. I feel lonely. I feel afraid.
April
Daddy is not afraid anymore. He is still sad & spends a lot of time crying but the fear is gone away. I felt bad for a while because I thought he didn’t love me anymore. I thought he wanted me to go away because he didn’t want to face the problems that those people in the special house said that I would bring. But now he’s acting like my Daddy again. He is going to lots of special houses to see if he can find the best person. I don’t know why he needs the best person. I fell fine again. I felt really bad when I thought Daddy didn’t love me but now I know that he does & I forgive him for not being a brave Daddy when those people in the special house told him I had problems. Now & again I want to thump him though. He says I am going to be his special daughter. What does he mean? I was always his special daughter. Daddy is so silly. I am happy because I love Mommy & Daddy and they love me. Now we are really close. I still see Mommy crying a lot even though I think she tries to hide it from me. Sometimes Mommy & Daddy cry together & I get really sad but then they tell me that they love me & everything is just fine & dandy again. I love Mommy. Now she talks to me almost all the time. It’s as if she wants to give me all of her love as quickly as possible. Sometimes I think it’s too much but I never tell her because I really like it when she gives me her love. Mommy gets very tired easily these days. Daddy looks after her a lot but then I look after Daddy so I guess that I’m in charge. It’s not easy in this world.
May
Mommy is really struggling now. She finds it very hard to move around. Daddy stays right beside her as much as he can. That makes me happy because I’m in the middle. Those people in the special house are saying that I have too many chromosomes. I should have two but instead I have three & they say that it’s a bad thing. Since when is two better three? You really have to wonder sometimes. Mommy & Daddy go to the special house quite a lot now. The people there do lots of checks on Mommy & they talk a lot with Mommy & Daddy about things that they may need to do in the future. I don’t know why they are wasting their time talking to Daddy about planning for the future. There’s a lost cause if I ever saw one. Daddy says that I cannot suffer. I love my Daddy. I’m getting tired now. Maybe those people in the special house were onto something after all. I feel very serene. I’ve seen some many things. So many beautiful places. So many wonderful people. I feel my time here is complete. I feel Mommy is in pain. I feel Daddy holding her hand. I feel their love & I feel their pain. For the first time I feel pain. I don’t like it. I try to find Mommy & Daddy’s love again. I find it. It’s so wonderful. I know it will always be there. I love you Mommy & Daddy. What a pleasure it was spending time with you here. But now I have to go. I have to say goodbye to this place. My life here was full. I love you all.
Annalucia Fitzgibbon